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  • Izzah Hazirah

To Be Who I Need To Be

Oh Allah,

I've missed you.

There's an ache in my heart, empty of your presence,

that I once tried to fill with worldly distractions

but it merely slipped away

like cradling sand in weak hands.

I feel like a fraud.

Falling to my knees only when my shoulders are taut;

when I could no longer bear the weight I've put upon it

but shrug it off when the world requests it.

Sometimes I ignore

the tugging of my soul

by Your subtle call,

for me to come home.

Days turn to draught.

Your love for me, I forgot.

Yet, I still have the nerve to wonder

why life sometimes feels like a disaster.

It's an unbreaking cycle -

with remorse and a laden tongue, I beg for Your forgiveness;

ask for Your assistance;

but still I forget consistency’s importance.

I pray You give me strength

to pull myself out of this self-induced hell.

I pray you won't give up on me

despite all that you see of me.


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